I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
