i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
