Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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