Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
