You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
