i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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