You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
