I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
