Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
