does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
