see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
