You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
