new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
