And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
