if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
