Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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