i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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