I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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