Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
