so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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