dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
