I am spending my child support on dildos
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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