Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
