I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
