i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
