You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
