I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
