Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
