In the future we'll all be gay
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
