I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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