You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
