Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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