Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
