I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
