hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
