Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
