I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
