In the future we'll all be gay
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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