I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
