Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
