The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
