Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
