So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
