Pappa wants mamma naked
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
