I CAN MOONWALK!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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