Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
