i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like eating out sand paper
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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