haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
