Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
