First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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