I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
