For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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