Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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